If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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