you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
