there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
