I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
last night I used snow as a chaser
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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