Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
