ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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