Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
