So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
