piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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