They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
