I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
