glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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