i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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