I will die if light touches me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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