dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
