he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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