She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
