i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
