I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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