my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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