i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize