I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
