hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
