Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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