Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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