so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Are we in a gay sports bar?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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