how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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