nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
