i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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