I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
