why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
