you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
