sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
