when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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