If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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