just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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