dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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