Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
