Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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