Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
