I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
