I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
