Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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