My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
