You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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