You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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