can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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