So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
