There was a lot of him and a little penis
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
