Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
