Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
