She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
