Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
