Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
