Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
