Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
