Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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