I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
