I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
