my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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