I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
