She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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