His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
