nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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