Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
