im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
