I want to have your abortion
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
