So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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