He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
