I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
