So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
