you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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